A Woman and A Thai Men. Part 3.

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“Dear Lara

Quite a lot has been happening since I saw you that I need to tell you about. After we spoke I again tried to make contact with the man in the pictures. I was not able to get in touch – I left several messages on Facebook which he ignored and I called him many times as well, he never picked up the phone. I called my female friend in Cambodia and she tried calling him, he did pick up but he didn’t want to talk.

So I am 100% clear that this man is no longer interested in me now. I was pretty clear on this when I did first come and see you – in fact the reason I was coming to see you and what I said to you was that I wanted to move on from him and focus on the future and opening up. You then took me ‘back’ to him saying that he was ‘the one’ for want of a better term. This has been useful in a way but only for me being able to see that it was a good experience and nothing more, there is no future with this man for me and I am not interested in seeing him again, and he is no longer interested in me.

I’m telling you this as if I am going to carry on seeing you then I would like your support with moving on and opening up to new possibilities. If you are unable to support me in that then I don’t want to continue and I will have to cancel my appointment.

Best Wishes

L.”

Dear L.,

The life is the best guide. Everything what happens is for best. We often get into situation when we are not sure where to go. In this case we need to follow our strongest desire and put all good loving and innocent efforts towards achieving that. Then our destiny gives us the answer quickly to clear us from doubts and open the clear way forward. This is what you have done. Otherwise you would always have some regrets, you will compare this man in the future with your new man, so you will be in confusion for a long time. Now you can move forward breathing this freedom. When you are rejected by what you desired it can be painful at first, but it is like catharsis, brings great relief. Now new possibilities will be open for you. Main thing you know your own woman. Thanks to this man! You know how to feel sexually loved. Your mind will set up a new search and will spot different men, whom you maybe did not noticed before. What I see you definitelly need – to become more connected with your feminine as a carer and a lover to others. Somehow you cannot easily cope with life through kindness and love. This is what I see. And this is what is needed to be open in you to attract loving men. They are out there. I do not insist that you come and see me on the 1st May. I am not the one who is chasing money. I really want to help and I see that I can help because I work differently – directly via body and mind together, not just via logic. I know that working via body seams strange, most therapists talk, talk, talk… But this talks did not helped me when I was in situation of despare and hurt ( I was and many times). What has helped me to stay a woman as I am  – my body. I want to teach you your body. This is our car. It drives us faster to where we want to be. Our logic is the slow walk on the busy road. Sometimes we can hardly move.

I am happy to support you in your journey to your “car” and in your moving faster to your happiness and pleasure of life.

Best wishes
Lara Anderson”

 

My woman’s and a lovemaking teacher’s story

I was seventeen years old when I had my first sexual intercourse. It happened with a man I was in love with. We had known each other for more than two years. It seemed we were already great lovers. We could spend hours stroking, kissing and hugging each other. We experienced warm pleasant waves of arousal in our genitals and told each other about that, yet, we held back the desire for intercourse.

We were extremely happy without intercourse. Incredible admiration of each other’s bodies was expressed by constant compliments, observation and touch. We did it everywhere: on the street, on buses, in the movies… When we were alone in the room we could slowly and gently stroke each other for hours, rediscovering again and again every curve and every hill on our bodies. We kissed each other’s bellies, necks, legs, arms, faces… In a shower our hands slipped over each other’s soapy skin like water… We touched each other so wonderfully and derived so much pleasure from each other!

Our rich world of physical love gradually became narrow and dull after intercourse started to become part of our relationship. Very soon I started to dislike more and more our quick strip and brief activity under the blankets. Often I suffered pain caused by rigid movements of my boyfriend’s penis in my vagina. I tried to change his behavior and to introduce him to my understanding of sex, which was slower and gentler, but he would not let me. We did not succeed in reviving those previous poetic touches. A year later we broke up.

As a young woman I started to explore my sexual feelings. I wanted to feel loved. I tried to understand my body more. I wanted to always enjoy sexual encounters with a man.

So in my youth, I decided that I would make love like slow dancing. I believed that lovemaking should not consist of any pressure and excessive excitation. I decided always to initiate this dance myself. By doing this, I hoped to prevent my man from rushing. I did not want him to concentrate only on his own sensations and get himself faster to ejaculation. I decided to teach my man how to touch me and help him to relax.

I got married when I was 21. 10 years of marriage to my first husband was sexually a very happy time. He tragically died at 35. Since his death I have not had an easy life. Though having lovers has helped me a lot and I have shared a lot of pleasure with my partners.

What was my unique skill as a lover, which always made me happy as a woman and sexually attractive to the man I made love with? From an early age I’ve learnt these things:

  1. A mother-like attitude to my own body and to the body of my partner.

  2. I initiated everything by myself.

  3. I have never used any seductive elements.

  4. I have learned to control the intensity of sexual arousal by movements of my body and I invited the man to follow my body.

  5. I always kept my attention on my partner but not on myself.

  6. I was not focused on achieving an orgasm but on having a lot of sweet waves passing through my whole body.

  7. I always tried to help my partner to have the same waves and because of that, balance his body sexually, avoiding ejaculation.

  8. I always nurtured my partner’s body.

  9. I always refused to have sexual encounters with anyone who tried to seduce me or wanted me to behave seductively.

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I really initiated everything I wanted to do during sex. I did not wait for my lover to act upon my body. I have never used any seductive elements during lovemaking: my face always looked angelic with warm and soft smile, my body moved with beautiful innocent playfulness, I never moaned loudly or shouted. If I wanted to be “wild” and to drive myself and my partner to the higher state of arousal, I still moved like I was dancing, maintaining strong connection with my partner rather than focusing on myself rubbing my genitals against his body. Nurturing my partner in a mother-like manner became more and more rewarding for me. Stroking, massaging and kissing him meant for me expressing my sexuality in this caring, innocent and creative way. It tremendously enriched my own physical and emotional experiences. I was happier when I saw my partner relaxed and smiling at me and following my movements. I did not like it at all when my lover got tense and wanted to bring himself or me to orgasm.

However, I have to admit, that with every man I felt at the beginning that he wanted more or less to dominate my body. I did understand that this male behavior was based on his pure instinctive sexual desire for me. So, I patiently led a man into my world of romantic love and he gradually got relaxed and gave up trying to force me into anything. Soon the man I made love with enjoyed more and more our soft and gentle lovemaking. I had total control over our lovemaking. I could make any movements I needed to bring my sexual energy on the comfortable level of intensity. It helped my man to keep his sexual energy on the same level as mine. Often, my lover and I, can make love for an hour or more and we both did not always need to finish with orgasm.

During my first sexual relationship I had already noticed that after having an orgasm, I had for a few days, a very low energy. Sometimes next morning after lovemaking I could not go to university. I never took alcohol, I did not smoke, I did not go to bed too late and my boyfriend and I mostly made love in the day time. Yet, still, the next day after lovemaking, I was absolutely exhausted. My head was heavy. Often I felt nausea. I started to avoid having an orgasm.

My life took me to live in different parts of Russia and then to England. I made a lot of friends. All of them could talk openly about their sexual experiences. My ideas of making love slowly and gently, as well as the idea of avoiding orgasm were appreciated and absorbed into lives of many of my friends.

I was in my late thirties when I started my professional sexual therapy practice. Ideas from Taoism, Tantra, medicine, psychology and even quantum mechanics have formed my method of working. Also, my professional and personal experiences have provided me with a deep insight into the dynamics of sexual relationships and helped me to understand changes in sexual behavior that comes with age.

The story 1

My life is my work. Even with my partner. I make love with him every day and I teach people how to make love. I will tell you a lot of stories from my life and from my work.

It is for you to think about what sex means for you.

A man, 56 years old: “We have been married for 22 years, have 3 wonderful daughters. I love my wife dearly. Our sex life was great! But over recent years my wife did not get so excited about sex as before. I have tried everything: made a nice dinner, taken her to a wonderful restaurant, given presents. Before, usually we had a lot of erotic games, used toys and watched erotic films. Now she does not want any of that. She said: ‘I want soul connection. I cannot do that physical stuff any more…’ I do not understand her words…”

Me: “Your wife is getting older. Her body is not having the same instinctive sexual drive as when she was younger. Maybe it is time to change your sexual practice from exciting and thrilling into something more loving, tactile, relaxing and nurturing? I can teach you that.”

The man: “I know what you mean. But, I need sex. I am full of energy. I am only 56 and my body needs sex every day. Now we have sex only 3-4 times a week. My wife is always tired. I cannot live like that.”

Me: “If you will develop a nurturing practice you will feel more sexually balanced…”

The man: “I understand what you mean. But, I do not want to lose desire for passion. I love it! I feel bored and I am not excited if my wife massages me. I love active sex. I have a good business and my children are almost grown-up. I need a sexy woman!”

Me: “Do you mean that it is possible that you will leave your wife?”

The man: “I came here to learn new tips of how make my wife sexy again!”

My comment:

That man left me disappointed. He never called again. I thought with sorrow about his wife. 😦

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