1. A female’s body is usually much smaller than a male’s body.
2. When a man is on top he can press on woman’s body with his weight, he can be too heavy for her and hurt her back.
3. He cannot relax fully because he has to hold himself on his arms. His shoulders can quickly get tired, his arms can get tired, his knees can get tired… When a man is tired he starts to speed up, he is not enjoyng the process, he wants to finish.
4. When a man is on top he cannot do anything to female body but only move into her vagina. He can get quickly overexcited and climax.
5. A man usually does not pay much attention to female body when he is on top. He gets too focused on his penis, he looses connection to his woman, he stops feeling what she wants and what is good for her.
6. When he is on top he can get bored more quickly, tired, he cannot continue on top for a long time.
I think this word does not convey exactly that wonderful experience which people can create together, expressing their love for each other. I think that this word is too unambiguous and really suggests even if indirectly the act of copulation, which any animal is capable of. Animals cannot make love, however. Moreover, they can not create the erotic art of love. Maybe men and women would feel happier if they used the words “making love” more often, rather than the term “having sex”?
Do you not think that the words “making love” create a different state of mind, accompanied by completely different physical feelings and actions? If someone gently utters: “I want to make love with you,” their physical behaviour will be more gentle and relaxed; they will pay more attention to touching each other, rather than focusing on achieving orgasm.
Sexuality is viewed by a lot of people as well as medical, professional and spiritual teachers as something purely personal, related to self-pleasuring.
Sexual happiness comes from within as everything else in a person’s life comes from within. Yet, it does not mean self-pleasuring.
In a sexual act with someone else, you are not the only person involved. There are two people here – your partner and you. Note, I have said: ‘your partner and you’ but not ‘you and your partner’. When talking about happiness from within, I meant loving and giving this body of yours as a gift to your partner. Your pleasure of making your partner happy creates sexual happiness within you. Not reaching orgasm, not gaining you own sexual release, not feeling aroused. Your joy comes from touching and loving your partner’s body for the sake of your partner’s comfort and happiness. Your joy and pleasure comes from receiving your partner’s physical love, touch, kisses, hugs and reciprocating.
The main focus of your sexual life is your partner.
Do not worry that you may be left with no pleasure if you give all your attention to your partner. If your focus is your partner, then your partner’s focus is you. It does not make sense to be together if it is not like that, does it! A happy sex life and a happy relationship is not possible if each partner is focused on themselves.
I am writing the book which I will call “365 thoughts on love and lovemaking”. It is some kind of lovemaking prophecy. Every day you can bring a new idea or a new thought about love and lovemaking into your life.
Keep in touch! My book will be ready soon.
Why do people say that love is so hard?
Is it because you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? Or is it because you stop wanting to be with someone who wants to be with you? Or is it because you want your partner to be different and he or she cannot? Or, because you get angry and frustrated with your partner but still want to be with him/her? You are suffering! From what? Think about what you call love? You want to feel this amazing feeling of having someone in your life who makes you happy, isn’t it? And also you want the guaranty of this feeling. To be always there, in your mind and body! He/she does not create this feeling in you any more or he/she leaves you and your feelings of love replaced with torturous feelings of jealousy, bitterness, pain, regret… Now you cannot lie on Sunday morning in bed and get sexually wild. And nothing in the whole universe can replace that. Nothing!
Yet… in a day or two … maybe a month or two… again… the same circle: love, wildness, disappointment, pain…
How to change that circle? On which stage? Are there any tools to have love and wildness but not disappointment and pain?
Yes. There are tools for changing the bad circle, but for that you have to use only one tool – love. The other 3 stages of this circle are not good for happy relationships. It is clear that disappointment and pain are not good for a happy relationship. But what is wrong with wildness?
This is it! Wildness is the engine to the next 2 stages. Why? You want the high adrenaline feeling and you want your partner to provide this feeling for you. You do not love him/her. You just want him/her to be responsible for your feeling of well-being and happiness. You are needy. Everyone who is needy is using others. Love is a completely different thing. Love is clear and calm like nice weather for flowers. Love is care and attention, but not to yourself for your own needs but for your partner’s. This will make him/her replicate towards you a wonderful sense that he/she needs you in his/her life.
Never check your partner! If you love him/her Just LOVE HIM/HER!