There is difference between sex for love and sex for physiological release. In first case you are having sex to make your partner feel loved and appreciated, in second you are just using your partner’s body to release hormonal tension in your own body and maybe in hers too, but it has nothing to do with love and appreciation of each other. These days many men and women have sex for just this simple reflex of orgasm, just for getting high, like it would be by using drugs and then for getting release from the tension which they both have built up in their bodies. Yet, often a man or a woman does not have enough physical hormonal energy to build up the tension to orgasm easily, with no effort. So, they both or one of them start using tools which stimulate the brain to create the high tension in genitals. These tools could be dirty words, images from porn, fantasies and so on. These tools always come together with hard rubbing of genitals, in some way even aggressive rubbing. In this case for a man the act of driving himself to orgasm is nothing but just in some way an abuse to a female body, even if she gets the same high arousal and orgasm from that. This type of sexual behavior is possible only between two people who met just for that sense of “druggy” state and release. It often happens even in a strong loving relationship.
There is another way of using your body and sexual energy and this road is to express love and appreciation to your partner as well as getting the same attitude from your partner to yourself.
Most men have an instinctive fear that their arousal will drop down if they start to be more attentive, relaxed, gentle and loving towards their women. Yes, maybe you will not be so much aroused, and will not ejaculate from this loving and sensual sexual behavior. And this is fine, as your body does not always have enough energy for high arousal. You should not force your body energy to this high level, otherwise eventually you can experience exhaustion and luck of interest in sex and in your regular partner. If you have just casual sex, like “one night stand”, it is still much better to let your body decide if it has enough energy for ejaculation. You have to be careful with loosing your sperm often. Sex which has no aim of ejaculation is much richer and fulfilling. It is much better to spend time even with the stranger, a woman you see just for this one moment, with the aim to make her feel loved and appreciated, it is much better to express your own beautiful loving nature. So, it is better to say nice words, like: “I love to touch you”, “You have a wonderful body”, “ You are beautiful”, “I love your smell”, “I feel so happy”, “I feel waves of wonderful energy from you” and so on.
Concentrate on pleasant sensations which your body experiences from touching her body, from being inside her, relax your mind, do not expect anything, just melt into her body, her smell, her warmth, feel all her movements, syncronise with them, follow them, and you will see that your energy will fill you up and create orgasm, with or without ejaculation. This loving and appreciative behavior, this time spent in beauty and care for each other, will always stay in your memory as an act of human kindness and sexual connection with another human being.