Sexual Instinct (libido) VS The Art of Lovemaking

desire

One of the big mistakes in understanding human sexuality is that most people, including professional institutions, do not see human sexuality as an art requiring a skill which we all need to learn. Most people think that they have to have desire for sex so call libido the same way as they have desire for food. It is true that most men and women have a simple biological sexual desire from time to time, independently from having the partner or not. Most men have this desire more often that most women. Also sexual desire diminishes when we get older.

What is this sexual desire we call libido? Think deeply! This is an instinct! Every man and every woman are given this instinct. Men and women get aroused in order to arise in them the desire to mate. And, as soon as they mate this instinct provides the male ejaculation inside vagina. Everything is for the purpose of reproduction only! Nature only cares for the reproduction of the species. Contraceptives have become widespread only in the last 100 years, and before that for millions of years men and women driven by this instinct were faced with a newborn baby after having sex. Unfortunately, even after the invention of contraceptives, the opportunity to feel free from this reproductive reflex, and to develop it into an act of beautiful physical communication, was not embraced by most people.

Instincts are given to us to survive. And yet, our other base needs, such as food and shelter, we have developed into artforms. No longer living in caves, we pay great attention to our homes through architecture and interior design.

preparationThe simple instinct of eating in order to stay alive has turned into the art of cooking. We made this instinct into a whole rich set of varieties, into the taste culture. The simple desire for food only requires from us to put in our mouth anything which can be digested and which can give us energy for life. Furthermore, the instinct for food does not require from us even to chew, just to quickly swallow. Nevertheless, even when we are very hungry we still try to not just swallow anything. We wait for the food to be prepared nicely, and then we eat it slowly, gaining pleasure not only from the fact we can satisfy our hunger, but from the pleasure of tasting the food itself.

The same attitude we should develop towards our sexual instinct. Sexual drive in its pure representation is just an instinct for reproduction. It calls a man and a woman to get aroused quickly and make a man ejaculate, just like putting any food in your mouth and swallowing it.

Ejaculation by itself is not an orgasm, if we define an orgasm as a state of happiness. The Female orgasm, as a state of happiness, cannot be achieved purely through the physical stimulation of erogenous zones. As human beings we want to have sex which can satisfy our longing for love, romance, and a soulful connection. We want to experience a lot of happy emotions during and after sex. And it is via sex that we reinforce the feeling that we have a good, loving and lasting relationship.

Such feelings are not what we can call “instinct”. It is not what we are given by nature. It is not just a desire similar to the libido. Instead it is a whole process which we need to create. So, we need to know how to create this process, what tools or ingredients to use, how to combine different elements, how to improve and how make each of these elements more pleasant.

Looking more carefully at these human longings, it is clear that man needs to reign in the desire to ejaculate, similarly to how we no longer want to swallow the uncooked food. If a man learns to enjoy “preparing the food” and “eating it slowly”, his hunger, or so called sexual tension, will disappear. His body will clear from the intense sensations in genitals that demand a release. Instead, his body will become sensual everywhere – it will become joyful and loving. His body will be “fed” fully and totally with the energy of love and happiness. And, in turn, the body of his woman will not be abused, or put to “work” for his ejaculation. A woman can truly use her body for love and connection with her man if the desire to ejaculate is removed. Every man can become a cultured sexual human being if he learns how to develop his sexual instinct into the art of lovemaking. Every woman can bring a lot of creativity into her sex life and help her man to become her creative sexual partner.

A man can still ejaculate from time to time, if it is effortless and if this powerful pulsation is shared by both partners as a wonderful wave of happiness. Yet, it should not happen too often. Why? Read next week’s on ejaculation, it’s bad effect on both male health, and a man’s relationship with his female partner.  New articles every Sunday.

Read my E-Book “Unimacy. How to create lasting love and intimacy”.
My next article will be about ejaculation, its bad effect on male health and man’s relationship with his female partner.  

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REAL WOMEN ARE EVERYWHERE!

couple kissMen have a very strong desire to touch a woman. This is the man’s nature. There is nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is their attitude to women. And as the result of that, the quality of the male touch is often not pleasant for women.

Men often do not see a person inside a female body. They see just the shape of the woman’s body, female forms or just sexual organs which obviously excite them, and that they immediately want to touch. I can compare this male compulsion with the desire of a baby to touch something that has caught its attention: a toy, a dog, a cat, a person. A baby touches without any attention to what his/her hand is actually doing, a baby’s hand just grabs, squeezes, scratches. Men often touch women the same way. They just want to feel a female body by their hands or other parts of their bodies. And as a result they just use a female body for their pleasure, meanwhile giving no pleasure to their women.

Often men stimulate a female body as if they are imputing in to a computer. They are looking for the right keys instead of loving a person, instead of feeling what this person inside the female body senses. Men rarely follow the sense of connection and mutual care. They stimulate their women to orgasm and feel proud of that: they have found the right key! Their women tolerate it, as they often have no choice, but eventually they start to feel more and more disconnected to their men. They feel something is missing. The job of “finding and pushing the key to bring them to orgasm” does not make them happy.

There are no definite tips or secrets on how to make a woman sexually happy, there are no tricks to give a woman pleasure. Instead, there is a process which a man has to create every time he is with his woman. He has to be like a pianist, who every time creates a process of playing music for the audience to enjoy. Men have to give up all these beliefs in tips and tricks, which are so common on the internet. They need to completely isolate themselves from negative porn images. They need to see real women, real people, living in real female bodies. They live here in this world, not on the screen. They walk streets, travel on the tube, fly in planes, shop. Real women are everywhere! Real women have heads full of ideas, hearts open for love, and bodies ready for loving, caring and sensual contact. Women are not “pussies”, “boobs” or “asses”! Women are people!

A MAN! You can only know what to do to your woman when you continuously listen to her female body and make the next caring and loving action towards it according to its reaction. Of course you need to learn, like any pianist, how to create this kind of loving and caring touch and movement. You need to learn how to deal with your biologically programmed mechanism of driving your body to unpleasant and even brutal movements, which can even hurt the female body. You have to learn many things about creating the art of physical love. Only by developing yourself in that direction will you be able to bring into your life the lasting magic of lovemaking. Yet this magic is only possible if nothing is predicted, imagined and planned in the form of a goal.

A lot of loving attention to each other during lovemaking is the first key. A lot of love and care is the second key.

Book my Coaching Programs. I am working in central London, UK.

I also want to introduce you to an amazing teacher of loving touch, Alexey Kuzmin, who is also working in central London, UK. Go to his website: www.tantrictherapy.co.uk. Come, together with your man or your woman, to his individual couples workshop. He will teach you how to take your partner to another world!

About Sex

Explore Sexual Energy. It is not just a “pleasure”.
Sexual Energy is a powerful source of physical and emotional wellbeing.
Practice Caring Sex. It is not just another way of having sex.

Caring Sex is the only way to make your partner feel loved.
Create More Love. It is not just your personal choice.

Creating More Love is everyone’s contribution to global abundance.  

“The Unimacy Bible” is on Amazon. Get it!

My e-book “The Unimacy Bible” is published on Amazon. Unimacy_01

Most sexual relationships have a big chance of dying over the time. Couples struggle to keep their sexual relationship alive because of their mainstream beliefs about sexual pleasure and expectations. The book “The Unimacy Bible” presents a new way of loving. It is a lifestyle guide to resolving problems in sexual relationship for people of all ages. It is a framework for expanding feelings of love through physical and emotional practice, it is a new paradigm of intimate relationship.

Get the book here:

From my client

Hey Lara,

I slept with a girl that I had met from an online dating site. I didn’t plan to sleep with her but it just happened as we got on really well. 
 
The best part was that I had quality passionate oral sex with her, pretty much all night without cumming at all. I was very much surprised and pleased. The breathing exercises and PC muscle exercises definitely worked and I really want to thank you for guiding me on this 🙂 Plus the sensual touches, the way you taught me, was like a deep and quality love making experience with her. 
 
Thank you once again and hopefully I will see you around at some point in the future. K.” .
 

Good Sex or Porn? For men.

Watching porn harms your health, relationship and your soul. Watching porn creates the energy of abuse inside you. Stop doing that! Become a “flying man”, a dreamer, a poet, a LOVER!

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