“Adventurous” sex or loving sex?

Today I have received an email:

“Dear Lara,

I’m sure you’re very busy but i’d be very grateful for any help you could give me. I’m a trainee broadcast journalist from City University making a radio documentary on the changing attitudes towards sex in the UK. This comes after National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyle (NATSAL) reports show that we are having sex less frequently despite the rise in online dating and ‘hook-up’ apps. It also suggests that Brits are becoming less adventurous with sex as well… I was wondering whether you’d be able to meet me for a very quick interview about whether you think this is true? The interview need only take about 10 mins and would help me so much as the grade i get for the documentary goes towards my final masters grade. I’m also happy for you to be anonymous throughout the piece if that would make you happier.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes,

A.P.”

My God! First. What is the point of such a surrvey? “Less sex despite the rise in online dating…” Do you know that on Match.com there are a lot of men who are married and just lying that they are single to have sex for free? I have heard awful stories from women! “Pick-ups” or “hook-ups” for having sex makes a lot of men and women feel like victims of abuse. What is the point to have sex more frequently just for sex? What about love? What about feelings? Are we human or more and more become wild mad animals?

Second. What does it mean to be adventurous in sex? Loving women come to me and cry, because they are afraid to loose their husband’s love. They say that they can be loving, gentle and sensual with them but can not be “adventurous”. I ask them what they mean by being “adventurous”. The answer I hear is: “To behave like porn. I cannot do that! I feel cheap and not loved to do what my husband wants me to do…” They cry, they are sad, they refuse sex… There are men who are loving, gentle and sensual and refuse to be “adventurouse” as it means that they should be dominant, focusing only on physical action instead of feeling deeper in love. Love is nothing to do with adventure. Love is to do with care and nurishment!

And this words: “I’m also happy for you to be anonymous throughout the piece if that would make you happier” shows me that this guy has a lot of shame about the subject of sex, he does not link sex with love but only as a pure physical commodity for arousal and orgasm.

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